3 Keys to Becoming a Single Mother By Choice
Motherhood is a hood I thought I might never be a part of. About a decade ago, while I was in my mid-twenties, I began to throw out the traditional idea of falling in love, getting married, having babies and living happily ever after. Alexa, play Anita Baker, “Fairy Tales”... There’s A LOT more to this part (my health, relationship failures, etc.) that I hope I get the courage to share in the future.
Fast-forward to today and I am a single mother of twins by choice. My twin boys were born on January 25, 2019 after a stressful IVF process that I managed to complete just before my last full-time “9-5” position ended. This is the moment my dreams truly began to come true! I encourage all women over 30 to follow your gut and your dreams because it will probably lead you to the best things that have ever happened in your life.
To all women considering the single mother by choice lifestyle, here are my three keys to your success:
Make Up Your Mind
You have to decide whether or not you want to do this! Weigh out the pros and cons of being a single mother given your circumstances and then go from there. Keep in mind that the clinical process takes time, sometimes years, as you think through this.
Since you’re not married, you’ll have to decide if you want to go with a sperm donor that you know or an anonymous donor. I recommend going with an anonymous donor because you’ll get the quality of sperm that you want and you are guaranteed to have absolutely no “baby daddy drama”.
Check Your Insurance & Budget
Many insurance companies cover the majority of the cost of IVF these days, but some do not. Before you can even get started, your financial situation will have to be cleared by your doctor’s office. I don’t suggest going for perfection here--who is ever financially prepared for a baby?! Just make sure that you aren’t going to go homeless. And, make sure you have a plan B.
Do It, Don’t Give Up
Don’t wait. Time is actually working against us here when it comes to reproduction. The chances of success begin to decrease pretty swiftly when we hit our mid-thirties. Also, as mentioned above, the clinical process can be lengthy, so you’ll need to give yourself a few years just to get started and go through it. Be prepared for setbacks by having a back-up plan for your happiness and just go for it!